On the way down....

The scales are moving again ever so slowly and I'm grateful!  This morning 196 ;-)

What Defines Me?

So the scales today said 200.0.  I'm about to be below 200 for the first time in 11 years.  I've been working toward this goal since 10/31/2010.  It isn't my final goal, but it is the1st of many.  As excited as I am about this I've really been thinking lately.  Does a number define me? 

I am struggling to find center, balance, and my place in it all.  Some days I'm "on top of the world".  Lately though I've been off balance.  The chaos of my life has caused an emotional vertigo.  Spiraling out of control are my wants, plans, dreams, feelings, fears, doubts and what I know to be true in my heart.  It's a battle of wills.  Mine against God's, and I wonder why I'm having such a time of letting go of the last shreds of my will.  I question myself as to why I am afraid.  What could REALLY be better than living the abundant life in Christ?  Nothing!  So why do I hold back?

July has been a difficult month.  A feeling of disconnect from my family and my God has left me all but paralyzed emotionally.  My mojo has been missing in regards to jogging regularly and I have been weaker in workouts than I would like.  Weight loss has been slow and I am fighting discouragement and doubt more than in months.  Unkind words, deeds and actions have been my norm and I've hurt myself and others regularly.  Tears have been plenty, hurts have framed my thinking and my feelings have taken too big a part on the stage of my life. 

I need a breath of fresh air.  Longing for newness of purpose and passion I keep doing what is comfortable but struggling with the pinching pains of change.  I feel weary to the core and thoughts of quitting are taunting me.  I long for the promised land, but have dreams of Egypt.  Who am I?  What defines me?  What makes me?

Sara Groves has a song that speaks to me.  I want to share it with you all. I really want to press on to victory.  Revelation, understanding and true humility and my desires.  The sand is worth it IF it brings me closer to Jesus.   

Thanks for reading fellow pilgrims.  This journey is hard, but let's make the most of it!!

"Food" for Thought

Sobering as it is...here is a quote from my newest read "The Maker's Diet" for Weight Loss by Jordan S. Rubin. 

Here are "Seven Truths to Think About" by Gus Prosch Jr., MD (obesity specialist in Birmingham, AL-deceased in 2005). 

1. If you're obese, you have a lifetime disease.
2. Your metabolic processes will always tend to be abnormal.
3. You cannot eat what others eat and stay thin.
4. Anyone can lose weight and stay slim provided the causes of weight gain are determined, addressed, and corrected.
5. Understanding insulin metabolism is the key to losing weight intelligently.
6. There is absolutely no physiological requirement for sugar or processed foods in your diet.
7. You must address all the contributing factors causing obesity.

WOW!  Whether or not you agree with all of these statements they are still worth really considering.  Think of each one in order before you move on to the next.  Really ponder and ask yourself if these might be true to you and your situation.  I have learned so much since the start of this journey, but I have so much more to learn. 

I'm looking forward to reading this book (I'm just in chapter 1).  I'm also looking forward to finally getting below 200 pounds and staying there the REST of my life.  I'm so close....this morning the scale said 208.5.  YEAH!!!

My Friend Dana

I'm not entirely sure that she would like me to post this.  If you are offended Dana...please forgive :-).  We had a nice chat tonight.  I had forgotten just how much I love that gal AND her whole family.  There is a lot of history between our families.  We have shared laughs, love, music, tears, good news, bad news, births, deaths, you name it and it's been a part of our lives together. 

Dana is leaving for Army boot camp in a matter of days.  Pause here to tell you how proud I am of her for lots of reasons, but the service...THANK YOU Dana for your dedication to our country.  Dana looks AMAZING.  She has lost 49 pounds and is rockin' her size 7/8 jeans.  I am so inspired by her accomplishments.  As she was telling me today of her PT qualification tests I was happy, and envious all at the same time.  Will I EVER be able to do 12 push-ups?  How about a < 10 minute mile?  I could barely do 20 full sit-ups today in workout, much less 30.  You go girl!  I'm proud of you Dana.  We talked numbers, we shared calorie counts, we chatted about accountability AND we set goals.  She's gonna be bad to the bone (aka G.I. Jane) thanks to her boot camp workout, and by October (the next time I see her) I have a goal to be 175-180.  YIKES that number sounds completely impossible.  Yet, there is a part of me that is excited, inspired, challenged and hopeful. 

I have a 20 year reunion this Fall.  Am I gonna show?  If I do will I still be "the fat girl"?  25 weeks....40-45 pounds.  Sheesh...those aren't good odds, but I've beaten the odds before.  Who has two sets of twins without fertility meds?  HEHEHEHEHE!  I'm always scared to post goals, because I often don't make them.  My below 200 pounds goal by May 20th...not looking so good at this point.  It's April 5th and I'm at 220.  20 pounds in 50 days is like "Biggest Loser" kinda weight loss. 

Dana is young (22 years old) and has a LOT of changing, growing and learning left.  I'm 37 and a little further down the road to discovery, RECOVERY, and wholeness but we share a journey in common.  A journey to health and wholeness.  I will NEVER rock a bikini like she does, but I can wear that same smile knowing that it doesn't matter what the scale says anymore because I LIKE WHO I AM IN THIS MOMENT.  Thanks for the love Dana.  Thanks for the encouragement.  Thanks for the inspiration.  Thanks for being you.

Joining the "Ready for Summer Challenge"

So I have a new "friend" and follower.  She just recently mentioned a challenge in one of her posts.  I thought it might be a good idea for me to join.  Feel free to come along and let's ALL get ready for SUMMER.

I'm a few days behind.  The challenge started Monday March 25th.  I'm not discouraged though.  I'll link up on Sundays as required but count my weeks from Thursday to Thursday.  10 weeks to grow, change, become more fit and see those numbers moving on down.  Four areas where I can really focus. These focus areas are as follows: Weight loss goal, Non scale goal, Exercise goal, Nutrition goal.  Each week there will be a "mini challenge" that is completely optional.

So here are my four goals for this challenge. 

1.  Weight loss goal:  18 pounds

2.  Non scale goal:  Fit into a size 18 jeans that I bought from the store and they currently don't fit.  This is down from squeezing myself into a 26.

3.  Exercise goal:  Run another 5K (on May 12th) and do it in 38 minutes or less.  This will be my second 5K and cutting four minutes off my previous time.

4.  Nutrition goal:  Drink at least 64 oz. of water daily and eat at least one fruit and veggie daily.

WOW!  Those might have been a bit ambitious, but hey that's what a challenge is for, huh????  For those of you thight might be reading this for the first time as of this morning the scales said 220.  That's 65.6 pounds since Oct. 31, 2010.  Slow going, but oh so worth it.  I really started seeing the weight drop off after I FULLY committed myself in late Sept. 2011.  I haven't been below 200 pounds since 2001 (my first child was born that year).  I'm currently within 10 pounds of my wedding weight.  I have seen weight loss success one other time in my adult life.  Before I got pregnant with Joseph I went from 225 to 180.    So, at this point in my journey I've lost more weight at one time than I ever have.  I've lost LITERALLY one of my children.  :-).  My daugther weighs 62 pounds.  So odd to think of trying to put her on my back and run a 5K.  I can hardly remember what it felt like to have that weight on my body.  I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose another 62 pounds.  AMAZING!!!

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.  Blessings to you ALL!!!



Almost Half Way There

So I'm almost half of the way on my weight loss journey.  I have lost 62 pounds as of this morning.  I have 18.5 more pounds to go to be "HALF WAY".  That would bring my total to 80.5.  My ultimate goal weight is 124-130.  I know that is a LOW number and possibly an unrealistic goal (without skin removal surgery), but I'm gonna keep pressing onto the prize.

Today was a special day.  My mother in law took me on a "yours and my's day".  As a treat for my birthday she took me shopping and to lunch.  We had a fabulous time and she blessed me with several wonderful pieces of clothing that I needed desperately.  I must say that trying on clothes wasn't completely terrible...ehehehehehe.  It was frustrating, but not terrible, frightening, humiliating and overwhelming as it was before.  Frustrating because I'm in between sizes.  Frustrating because my top size doesn't correspond with my bottom size.  Frustrating because I'm not sure I'll EVER look "right" in some things (i.e. a dress).  I even tried on the dreaded.......bathing suit.  Even that didn't hold as much power over me.  The purpose of a bathing suit is to modestly cover me so I can swim and enjoy myself and my children in the sunshine that God created.  That's it.  It's not a fashion statement or to prove something to someone else.  I didn't feel badly at all.  Not to mention that this year's suit will be at least two sizes smaller than last year's!

So yes, I'm halfway there, but I'm closer than I was a year ago.  I'm closer than I was a month ago.  I'm closer than I was yesterday.  As long as I'm moving forward I'm going the RIGHT direction.

Hang in there,

Janelle

Finishing Well

Today is December 28, 2011 and I want to finish this year WELL.  I weighed first thing this morning and the scale in the bathroom said 239.  The wii fit said 240.5 after a cup of coffee.  Either way it's moving downward once again and for that I am grateful.  I am going to work out today with Leslie and hope to have an extra session on Friday.  I want to finish this year well and set myself up for success in 2012.  I pray anyone reading this had a blessed Christmas and will continue to feel His presence in the last few days of this year. 

Victory Looks Good on Me!!!

I had a truly remarkable and glorious weekend.  It's one that I want to journal so I can go back to this time for encouragement in days to come. 

Saturday Nathan took me to Belk and bought me a NEW OUTFIT!  A beautiful pair of gray/black dress pants (2 sizes smaller I might add) and an eye popping red sweater with a dramatic neckline (once again 2 sizes smaller).  Both pieces were on sale and we even looked at shoes, but just couldn't find the right pair.  I was so blessed and honestly felt beautiful.  Nathan's eyes lit up when I came out of the dressing room.  He was the one that suggested I get the smaller size in the sweater.  I was blessed by his encouragement, love and support.  After our shopping trip we went to eat at Pomodoro's S. with Mandy and Jamie Dunham.  We had a GREAT time, a lovely meal (that didn't bother my tummy..YEAH), and a blessed time of sharing.  After that we wisked away to make it to Biltmore Baptist Church for the annual Carolina Mountain Christmas Spectacular.  It was just that "spectacular".  It was different from anything I've seen or heard before.  I was especially impressed with the orchestra.  They did a fabulous job.  We came home to an EMPTY house (thanks to the Barker family) and watched an episode of 24. 

After sleeping a little bit later on Sunday morning I got up, put on my new outfit and got ready for church.  We decided to attend Bethel Baptist (my in-law's church).  Boy am I glad we did!  My father-in-law did a fablous job as the narrator and the sweet, little choir presented the Christmas story in a clear, precious, uncluttered way.  Afterwards we joined our family for lunch and had a great time.  When we arrived home I REALLY wanted a nap.  However, I put my workout clothes on and took my bootie up to Montreat.  I walked the Gate/Elizabeth's path and then up Texas Rd. and around Lake Susan.  On the way back to the truck I jogged almost 3/4 mile.  I was SOOOO pleased.  I couldn't believe I was capable of all that.  Not my best time in the world, but I logged 2.5 miles in 49 minutes.  Everyday I'm getting stronger.  It's exciting and humbling all at the same time.  LIFE group was after that.  I didn't feel tempted to overeat and I had the opportunity to share what a spiritual battle/journey this weight loss is.  I felt loved, supported and prayed for by my sweet faith family.  I am choosing moment by moment to submit and surrender my will to Christ's care and control and to humble myself to allow God to change me.  WOW!  It's tough, but oh so good.

Today I went for my regular Monday/Wednesday class with Leslie Raper and my girls (Sue and Angie).  It was a powerful, challenging and fun workout (as usual).  Afterwards I went with Leslie to Azalea park and we walked/jogged for 25 minutes.  There was MUCH more jogging than walking and I couldn't be more excited.  I've decided to REALLY do a 5K in February of next year.  We are going to continue our prep/training.  Leslie said she would run it with me.  What a friend.  I'm so blessed that God brought her into my life.  I feel completely empowered.  Tomorrow is my first new patient appointment with Dr. Eric Lewis.  I really feel as if things are coming together. 

Victory looks good on me!!!! 

PS.  As of today I'm down 43.3 pounds!!!

"Disappearing Act"

So I've disappeared from the blogging world.  I'm sorry to ANY of you that waste your time following me...hahahaha!

I've been through something in the last few weeks that I want to share about, so I'm MAKING the time today.  I went to the ER on November 6th with stomach pain/pressure.  I was admitted after a CT scan of my abdomen/pelvis.  I was released after almost a 48 hour stay in the hospital.  The official diagnosis.......OBESITY (like I didn't know that), Gastritis w duodenitis, and a duodenal ulcer.  OUCH!!! 

I have been miserable since I came home although so VERY thankful that I am not experiencing the pain that I did in the hospital.  I really have NEVER experienced pain like that.  It was worse than giving birth to Joseph medication FREE.  I am thankful for delodid (if that's how you spell it). 

Since coming home I've followed docs orders.  I have also managed to lose 16.2 pounds.  Please hear me, I'm not complaining about the weight loss.  I'm not even complaining about the amount of food I'm eating now or the things I've had to give up dietary wise.  I just want to feel better overall.  There has to be a better way than pain, pressure, bloating and almost everything I'm eating coming up or out almost immediately.  I am going next week to call a naturopath and get some advice.  There simply has to be a better way. 

The holidays are approaching and I'm not even excited about cookies, hot chocolate, pumpkin pie, turkey, etc.  I just feel YUCKY!!!

So I'm open to suggestions, advice, teaching, instruction and something different than what I've been doing.  The most frustrating part is I've been changing my diet over the last year.  I do very little dairy.  I eat free range meats and mostly organic vegetables.  That's why I was so sad when I found out I was having stomach issues.  However, I'm not giving into discouragement.  I'm gonna press up and onward.

So today I weighed 247.5 that is a total loss of 38.1 pounds.

Thanks for reading,

Grateful but not 100%

Well Wonders Never Cease

Same scale. Same room. 278.5????? I'll take it :-)

And the new total is...

Down 1.5 for a total weight loss of 5.6lbs in three weeks!!!

It's a Start

My mom and I are holding each other accountable with our food journals and we weigh every week on the same scale and share our new weekly numbers.  This week I had lost 2.1 lbs.  So it's a start!!! 

Just wanted to record it,

Janelle