Friday, March 30, 2012

Something I Noticed

So I have this tendency that I noticed about myself last night.  It wasn't the first time that I have done this, but I became keenly aware of it's power yesterday. 

I made a spaghetti pie (spaghetti squash, ricotta, fresh mozzarella, ground beef, pasta sauce) before I left for the evening.  The children went to play with some friends and I had a "semi grown up" dinner with a friend and then visited for jut a bit.  We got home late and I needed to transfer the pie from the pie plate to another plate so I could use the pie plate to bake another spaghetti pie this morning.  As I was transferring it over I felt this uncontrollable urge to taste it.  I wasn't hungry.  I just wanted to eat it because it was there, it smelled good, I was curious.  Needless to say I had MORE than one bite.  Not quite a whole piece of this "spaghetti pie", but certainly more than I should of had since it was past 9 o'clock and I wasn't even hungry.  AS I'm eating this I'm feeling guilty.  I'm thinking "why did you do that?". 

Obviously the world wasn't going to end if I had to wait until the next day to taste this pie.  While in the heat of this moment I didn't stop to think about what I was doing.  There wasn't a prayer lifted up or even a walk away to focus my thoughts.  Prayerfully I can navigate these kind of situations better in the future.  In all honestly the pie would have tasted MUCH better warmed up and accompanied with a salad and enjoyed while sitting down at a table instead of hurriedly sneaking a bite or two.  I've come SO far but yet have so much ground to cover.  It's just food.  It's JUST food.  It's just FOOD.  Why does it control me so? 

I'm hoping today to jog or do a kettle bell workout.  Nathan will be coming home from FL today and I can't WAIT to see him.  Guess I need to read "Made to Crave" again and do some more work in my Celebrate Recovery 12 step books.  I'm gonna share this with my group and continue to make myself open for accountability.  Even typing this helps.  I'm so grateful that this episode was not worse.  I remember the days of sitting down and eating an entire bag of chips (not the individual size).  There was a day when I would finish my plate and the kids plates (no food wasted in this house).  I'm believing those days are behind me, and for that I'm so grateful.  Have a good weekend.    

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Joining the "Ready for Summer Challenge"

So I have a new "friend" and follower.  She just recently mentioned a challenge in one of her posts.  I thought it might be a good idea for me to join.  Feel free to come along and let's ALL get ready for SUMMER.

I'm a few days behind.  The challenge started Monday March 25th.  I'm not discouraged though.  I'll link up on Sundays as required but count my weeks from Thursday to Thursday.  10 weeks to grow, change, become more fit and see those numbers moving on down.  Four areas where I can really focus. These focus areas are as follows: Weight loss goal, Non scale goal, Exercise goal, Nutrition goal.  Each week there will be a "mini challenge" that is completely optional.

So here are my four goals for this challenge. 
1.  Weight loss goal:  18 pounds
2.  Non scale goal:  Fit into a size 18 jeans that I bought from the store and they currently don't fit.  This is down from squeezing myself into a 26.
3.  Exercise goal:  Run another 5K (on May 12th) and do it in 38 minutes or less.  This will be my second 5K and cutting four minutes off my previous time.
4.  Nutrition goal:  Drink at least 64 oz. of water daily and eat at least one fruit and veggie daily.

WOW!  Those might have been a bit ambitious, but hey that's what a challenge is for, huh????  For those of you thight might be reading this for the first time as of this morning the scales said 220.  That's 65.6 pounds since Oct. 31, 2010.  Slow going, but oh so worth it.  I really started seeing the weight drop off after I FULLY committed myself in late Sept. 2011.  I haven't been below 200 pounds since 2001 (my first child was born that year).  I'm currently within 10 pounds of my wedding weight.  I have seen weight loss success one other time in my adult life.  Before I got pregnant with Joseph I went from 225 to 180.    So, at this point in my journey I've lost more weight at one time than I ever have.  I've lost LITERALLY one of my children.  :-).  My daugther weighs 62 pounds.  So odd to think of trying to put her on my back and run a 5K.  I can hardly remember what it felt like to have that weight on my body.  I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose another 62 pounds.  AMAZING!!!

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.  Blessings to you ALL!!!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Kicking it into Gear

So I was gifted with a Groupon for a two month membership to Ladie's Workout Express.  This gym is just about 15 minutes from my house.  I was a member of this gym approximately 11 years ago and had great success.  I am hoping that this extra workout addition to my Tues./Thurs. program with Leslie will REALLY help my see those numbers rocket down.  Also the KettleWorx system was gifted to me.  I'm going to start this program today or tomorrow.  It is a six week program with an exclusive kettle bell workout.  I use kettle bells with Leslie.  Actually the ones I use with Leslie are heavier than the one that came with the program, but I'm still excited to see what kind of results I can receive/achieve.  Spring is in the air, Summer's right around the corner and I MIGHT wear a sleeveless top for the first time in my life.  Notice I said MIGHT :-). 

So I have several goals I'm headed for in the next days/weeks.  I'll keep you posted on my progress.  Here's to a more confident, leaner, healthier me.

30 Day Goals:
1. Continue Tues./Thurs. class with Leslie
2.  Incorporate a regular "running" day
3.  Start KettleWorx 6-week system
4.  FINALLY get through this ten pounds
5.  Call the doc for my yearly appt.
6.  Visit the chiropractor

90 Day Goals:
1.  Run in the Race for Adoption-5K on May 12th, 2012 in Greer, SC (40 minutes or less)
2.  Be below 200 pounds (preferably by 5/20)
3.  Fit into the jeans that are in my drawer.
4.  Complete the Made to Crave DVD Bible Study
5.  Activate my 2-month Groupon membership to Ladies Workout Express
6.  Visit the dentist
7.  Get a massage and facial
8.  Have both boys potty trained (at least day time)

Keep me accountable would ya????  Have a great weekend. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

On the Move

Spring is in the air and I'm on the move.  The last two weeks at CSI class I've really been trying to pick up the pace of my short interval runs.  I chose the heavier weights today in class and I really concentrated on form.  Last night at my FIT class I chose to walk up an incline AND add an extra hill.  I added distance and shortened time on my Sunday walk and I'm going to try and jog another 3.1 miles this weekend.  I have not jogged a 5K since my race in Feb.  I have walked, jogged, moved and lifted, but I haven't gone 3.1 without stopping.  It's time to do it again!!!

I have a race in May that I am STOKED about.  This race is special because my family will be participating.  My older brother Philip and sis-in-law Tammy will be jogging/running.  I think the most special part of the day is that Nathalie my other sis-in-law will be participating.  I'm not sure to the extent she will be walking/jogging as she consults the doc about her chemo on March 29th.  Greg my older brother I'm sure will be there in some capacity.  I'm even hoping (hint, hint) that he and/or my Dad will walk with my older 3 in the 5K walk.  What a glorious time it will be for ALL of us.  You see mostly we just get together as a family to eat, socialize and/or open presents.  I cannot remember a time EVER when we purposefully gathered together for a physical event.  My brother Philip, sis Tammy and I all were in a marching band at the same time.  Philip and Greg marched together in high school.  I think Philip and Greg might have been on same teams growing up, but I can't remember ALL of us doing something together.  My heart is saddened that Tyler can't join us, but right now his physical condition limits it.  Please keep praying for his seizure disorder and problems with his foot.  I'm gonna KEEP praying that one day I will walk/jog/run alongside of him.  The same for mom.  Once her new knee is in she'll be moving right along.  Our trainer Leslie has BIG plans for her :-)...hehehehehe have fun mom. 

So with Spring in my step, the PROMISE as my focus, surrounded by my friends and family (such a great cloud of witnesses...can you tell I've been studying Hebrews 11) I'm gonna get to moving.  Here is my friend Bobi's favorite song to spur you on to "moving" today.  Be blessed!!!!   

This is MercyMe's "Move"

Monday, March 19, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me

So today I am grateful for my birthday. 36 years of life I've been blessed with and so excited for another year. This year I want to experience an abundant life as described in John 10:10. This is going to be a year to dream, change, grow and become. A chance to learn, embrace, release and discern. 37 is going to be an opportunity to lose and win, to commit, forgive and be forgiven, and laugh, love and LIVE!!!

My sweet LIFE group celebrated all of the March birthdays last night by having a cookout. After a nice walk/jog/hike in Montreat I was greeted by the laughter and sounds of fellowship. Literally at times my LIFE group has been my lifeline. Sharing things with them over the last few months and years has been a joy. Jan made a red velvet cake. Yes I did have a little piece and a cup of coffee. It was wonderful. I think one of the most liberating things along this journey is to know that food doesn't control me. I control it!!! I can CHOOSE whether or not to eat something. That is a great feeling.

So I'm going to be surrounded by food today. A birthday lunch, more cake (which tonight I will say "no" to) and of course dinner. Today my choices might be a little harder, but that's ok. I know if I stop, think, pray and ask for help I can make the RIGHT decision. This is empowering. Now I don't always get this right, but I make more right choices than wrong choices these days. For THAT I'm so grateful.

I'm at another stand still in my weight loss. I keep going from 62-65 pounds down and back up and back down. I've got to kick it up on the cardio and figure out what's going on food wise. I'm praying for revelation and motivation to make it through these next few pounds. I am nine pounds from the goal I had set for myself for this day. I'm not gonna give up though, I'm just gonna work HARDER!!!

Also, I'm so thankful for my family. My sister in law Nathalie was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. She has had the tumor removed, her lymph nodes were clean, but she starts chemo very soon. Praise God for early detection and a positive prognosis. On May 12th prayerfully a large portion of our family will be participating in a 5K walk/run alongside Nathalie. I think the older three kids are going to walk with her. I think Tammy and myself will be jogging and Philip as well (although I'm sure I'll eat his dust). It's gonna be a lot of fun and a gift that Nathalie will be healthy enough to do this event. That's one of the best birthday gifts I could EVER have received.

Ok. Enough of this. I've got to get ready for lunch. Have a GREAT day!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

New Shoes

I was treated to my very first pair of running shoes for my birthday.  Nathan took me to Foot Rx in Asheville and I was fitted for a pair.  I tried on four pair and walked on a treadmill and even went and jogged a bit outside in them.  I chose a pair of Brooks.  So now I own a pair of Brooks "Ghost" running shoes.  I tried on two pair of Saucony shoes and one pair of Mizuno.  Praying that I will enjoy these shoes and every mile I run/walk/exercise in them.  Feeling so grateful today for the chance to change and learn to move my body the way God intended.

Here's to a nice run today, even in the yucky weather???!!!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Almost Half Way There

So I'm almost half of the way on my weight loss journey.  I have lost 62 pounds as of this morning.  I have 18.5 more pounds to go to be "HALF WAY".  That would bring my total to 80.5.  My ultimate goal weight is 124-130.  I know that is a LOW number and possibly an unrealistic goal (without skin removal surgery), but I'm gonna keep pressing onto the prize.

Today was a special day.  My mother in law took me on a "yours and my's day".  As a treat for my birthday she took me shopping and to lunch.  We had a fabulous time and she blessed me with several wonderful pieces of clothing that I needed desperately.  I must say that trying on clothes wasn't completely terrible...ehehehehehe.  It was frustrating, but not terrible, frightening, humiliating and overwhelming as it was before.  Frustrating because I'm in between sizes.  Frustrating because my top size doesn't correspond with my bottom size.  Frustrating because I'm not sure I'll EVER look "right" in some things (i.e. a dress).  I even tried on the dreaded.......bathing suit.  Even that didn't hold as much power over me.  The purpose of a bathing suit is to modestly cover me so I can swim and enjoy myself and my children in the sunshine that God created.  That's it.  It's not a fashion statement or to prove something to someone else.  I didn't feel badly at all.  Not to mention that this year's suit will be at least two sizes smaller than last year's!

So yes, I'm halfway there, but I'm closer than I was a year ago.  I'm closer than I was a month ago.  I'm closer than I was yesterday.  As long as I'm moving forward I'm going the RIGHT direction.

Hang in there,


Sunday, March 11, 2012

Made to Crave

I'm on my second read through of Lysa Terkeurst's book "Made to Crave".  It has been very challenging, humorous and informational.  I would LOVE to attend a Made to Crave study.  Maybe our LIFE group ladies will form one soon????  I want to leave you with a few thoughts from the book.

"Getting healthy isn't just about losing weight.  It's not limited to adjusting our diet and hoping for good physical results.  It's about recalibrating our souls so that we want to change-spiritually, physically, and mentally.  And the battle really is in all three areas."

"We consume what we think about.  And what we think about can consume us if we're not careful. And what we're craving will always depend on whatever we're consuming...the object of our desire or God and His truth."

"Accountability is crucial"

"We were made for more than this.  More than this failure, more than this cycle, more than being ruled by taste buds.  We were made for victory.  Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth."

Have a blessed day my sweet friends and thanks for stopping by on this part of my journey.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Noom Weight Loss Coach

Ok...another free app for my phone.  I'm excited to try it.  Noom Weight Loss coach sets goals for food and exercising.  It surveys me and customizes a plan.  There is a free app and a PRO app.  I am trying a free 30 day trial of the PRO app.  I started yesterday and it said that I could be to my goal weight by March 1, 2013 if I keep it up with my eating and exercise goals.  Part of yesterday's "homework" was to actually say OUT LOUD what my goal weight is and do it while looking in a mirror, or speaking it to another person.  I am FULLY aware that this goal I set might not be possible without skin removal surgery (that's for another blog), BUT I said it out loud anyway.  I said it to myself and I shared it with Nathan.  I'm not quite ready to reveal it to the world (hehehehehehe), but maybe someday I will. 

It made me schedule workout times and it programs reminders.  I have the option to log my meals with a red/yellow/green system as opposed to a specific calorie count.  I can set goals, talk to others online and learn new recipes.  I'll keep you posted on my progress.  Today I have a "stair challenge".  I also have to log one meal today. 

So here's to a new day, a new progress a NEW set of numbers :-). 

Get Back Up Again....

We lose our way, we get back up again....

So I've been struggling lately with consistency, motivation and the dreaded up's and down's.  I know that my body will fluctuate weight wise.  I know that in some expert opinions even two pounds in a day is acceptable +/-.  I just seem to be hitting plateaus a little more regularly and I'm fighting discouragement.  Why can't I just keep plowing forward?  Today I found myself eating mindlessly and much more than I would have like to honestly.  What is that about?  Why do I still seem so bound sometimes by boredom, needless want to eat.  Some days it doesn't get me, but some days just because "it's" there is a good enough reason to eat.  Sweets don't tempt me, it's the REAL deal, the real food.  Salty, cheesy, creamy are more my speed :-). 

I am gonna get back up again though.  When I fall I'm not gonna stay down, and I am certainly not going to get trampled on by the pack of people who are still progressing towards health and wholeness.  Each new moment is an opportunity to choose wisely, act lovingly, think clearly, honor completely.  Each new day brings a chance for growth and change.  Each new meal can be successful. 

Keep trying, keep laughing, keep believing, keep growing, keep changing, keep praying, keep running, keep speaking the TRUTH over my life, keep on keeping on....

Monday, March 5, 2012

One Size DOESN'T Fit ALL or Even Most!!!

So the old saying on the size fits all.  They changed that a few years ago to size fits MOST.  They did that because of the growing (no pun intended) obesity epidemic in America.  Sometimes I think it's that "one size" mentality that got me into the situation I'm in currently.  I thought that "one size fits all" meant that I deserved the same life as someone else, anyone else, everyone else.  It meant that I could eat what they did, exercise the same amount (or not) as they did, spend as much as they did, etc.  See what a damaging mindset that has been for me to have?  I have also felt that it meant that as long as I looked like someone else, had their approval, resembled them that I could "fit in".  I have cared more for people's approval than the love and genuine acceptance of my Heavenly Father, God.  I have tried to fit myself into too many other people's "molds", much less their lives, their jeans...hehehehe and their situations.  It has played havoc on my ego, my esteem and has completely destroyed my clear view of my Savior.  I've let numbers get in the way.  Numbers related to weight.  Numbers related to G.P.A's.  Numbers related to bank accounts.  Numbers related to how many children, square footage on a home, the year a car was made, how many times I've been on a cruise.  You name it and I've tried to fit my life into someone else's number. 

Well I'm being reminded daily because of this journey that one size jeans with a certain number WON'T fit you like another pair from a different company with the same number. Heck, it won't fit on a different cut of pants from the same company.  If it's that simple, practical, tangible in a clothing size why can't I get it through my head that my life isn't meant to be like anyone else's?  Why am I still trying to be the same number as some one else? 

I'm so grateful that I'm learning that I don't have to be like anyone else.  I don't have to look like anyone else.  I don't have to fit into their lives, their dreams, their goals.  Now in regards to numbers.  I must admit that I still feel bound by them a bit.  How many calories can I eat a day?  (That's a number)  How much weight did I lose this week (a number)?  How many servings of fruits and veggies did I eat today (a number)?  How many inches have a lost (a number)?  The weights that I lift with...numbers.  The reps that I do at workout...numbers.  See how they are everywhere????  Oh not to mention 5K, fast I run my times...ehehehehehehe. Sheesh..numbers are surrounding me.

Hopefully there will be a day when the numbers don't matter so much.  I'm praying that I can be set free from having to be so regimented and being concerned about what the numbers say.  Thanks as always for letting me share.