Friday, March 30, 2012

Something I Noticed

So I have this tendency that I noticed about myself last night.  It wasn't the first time that I have done this, but I became keenly aware of it's power yesterday. 

I made a spaghetti pie (spaghetti squash, ricotta, fresh mozzarella, ground beef, pasta sauce) before I left for the evening.  The children went to play with some friends and I had a "semi grown up" dinner with a friend and then visited for jut a bit.  We got home late and I needed to transfer the pie from the pie plate to another plate so I could use the pie plate to bake another spaghetti pie this morning.  As I was transferring it over I felt this uncontrollable urge to taste it.  I wasn't hungry.  I just wanted to eat it because it was there, it smelled good, I was curious.  Needless to say I had MORE than one bite.  Not quite a whole piece of this "spaghetti pie", but certainly more than I should of had since it was past 9 o'clock and I wasn't even hungry.  AS I'm eating this I'm feeling guilty.  I'm thinking "why did you do that?". 

Obviously the world wasn't going to end if I had to wait until the next day to taste this pie.  While in the heat of this moment I didn't stop to think about what I was doing.  There wasn't a prayer lifted up or even a walk away to focus my thoughts.  Prayerfully I can navigate these kind of situations better in the future.  In all honestly the pie would have tasted MUCH better warmed up and accompanied with a salad and enjoyed while sitting down at a table instead of hurriedly sneaking a bite or two.  I've come SO far but yet have so much ground to cover.  It's just food.  It's JUST food.  It's just FOOD.  Why does it control me so? 

I'm hoping today to jog or do a kettle bell workout.  Nathan will be coming home from FL today and I can't WAIT to see him.  Guess I need to read "Made to Crave" again and do some more work in my Celebrate Recovery 12 step books.  I'm gonna share this with my group and continue to make myself open for accountability.  Even typing this helps.  I'm so grateful that this episode was not worse.  I remember the days of sitting down and eating an entire bag of chips (not the individual size).  There was a day when I would finish my plate and the kids plates (no food wasted in this house).  I'm believing those days are behind me, and for that I'm so grateful.  Have a good weekend.    

1 comment:

  1. Looking forward to seeing you reach your goals! Excited to be getting ready for summer with you! Blessings!