Saturday, June 30, 2012
So I'm learning more and more throughout this journey called life about balance. To me living a life of balance means taking all things into consideration and prayerfully making conscious choice. True balance is the abililty to live in the moment. Being flexible and available are character qualities of someone who lives within his/her center of balance.
I have spent most of my adult life in a state of agitation. Chaos has been a norm for me. The past and the future are the two places my heart, soul and mind have often resided. Well for the past few years I have made a steady, strong effort to be intentional in my living. Being present is powerful.
I have a normal Saturday routine. I like it. It works for me. My family has adjusted. Life flows and goes around my plans. Well last night I had this feeling of unrest. Thoughts were swirling around in my head as to what I should do/what choices I should really make. You see, I had several things I wanted to do today. There were several things I could have done today. Probably there were several things I should have done today. As my head hit the pillow, there was still a debate in my heart and mind as to what my priorities would be for Saturday.
Well I was allowed by my children to sleep later than usual. 8:15 a.m. is what the clock said when I rolled out of bed to go retrieve a screaming two year old. My open gym time starts at 9 a.m. I knew I wasn't going to make that start time. As the morning unfolded it was apparent that I wasn't going to make my workout. This was both troubling and freeing to me. Someone had already offered to take four of the kids for a few hours so that Nathan and I could have some time with our eldest son, Joseph. However, my father and brother Tyler, decided to join the Barkers and so Joseph decided he wanted to tag along. After helping to get everyone situated and saying goodbye to the two car fulls of folks I enjoyed an unhurried shower. Nathan and I went to the tailgate market to pick up our CSA (community supported agriculture) veggies and we had sushi for lunch at Green Tea in Asheville. There was also a stop by Sisters McMullen in downtown for a cupcake. We since have watched a movie (only mostly interupted by our returning children) and plan on watching a documentary tonight after the kids are in bed. My house is a wreck. I didn't do any exercise today. To-do lists are highly overrated and mine was completely ignored today. All in all it's been an incredible day. There has been no shame, no guilt, no condemnation for not running ALL week, not exercising today and even eating an entire fattening cupcake myself. I rested, I made choices intentionally and I was available, completely available for Nathan. I feel as if today I understood balance.
No this doesn't mean cupcakes and no running tomorrow. It just means that for TODAY I was able to make these choices and know that my life is still moving forward. By standing still and resting I was able to make progress. Pretty neat. This has been a tough week (maybe I'll blog about that sometime) and I have been struggling for sanity/serenity. Well I really feel as if I was balanced today and brought honor to God by enjoying Him and myself and my surroundings. I accepted help. I released myself of expectation and I allowed change to shape my day not ruin it.
Peace. Balance. Freedom. Serenity. Today this was me!