For the most part I have my overeating/compulsive eating under control. I no longer have ANY desire to eat too much, or to push myself to the point of "no return". Feeling bloated, uncomfortable and gross just isn't for me anymore. There isn't any food that tastes good enough to endure that kind of feeling.
YET.....there are a few days each month when all common sense and true knowledge/growth seem to escape me. I'm writing because I'm in those dreaded days known as PMS. As a matter of fact I'm five days late, and I'm miserable. Mentally, physically, emotionally I'm struggling. I ate a salad for lunch BUT it had too much chicken. Chicken I might add from Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yes I took the skin off the chicken, but still...sheesh that stuff is nasty, greasy. I ate too quickly, I ate too much. I even tasted some of the skin. GROSS!!!
Why do I feel so out of control? By keeping good track of my cycle I am aware of when I'm to start. That's why I'm wondering why I still do STUPID things like allowing myself to get too hungry, thus the overeating. I also will eat "just a bit of this" or a "bit of that" to try and "satisfy" me and it always creates an urge, a longing for more. Is this beast ever going to die??? When will there be a day when food has no more power over me? It's just food for crying out loud. It's like a fire. I just need to STOP, DROP and ROLL. If I could just take a moment, a deep breath, walk away and realize what I'm about to do. I'm so close to my first goal and yet it feels like I'm a million miles away on days like today when I make such foolish choices. These foolish, rash choices undo hard work that's been done. It's a cycle of insanity and I'm ready to get off the hamster wheel.
Picking myself up, putting on the armor of God, realizing all of the progress I HAVE made, I'm gonna keep on keeping on and fight this good fight. It IS a good fight. Being humbled in the last year and a half of my life has been the best experience. Coming into the majesty that I was created IN and created FOR has been powerfully freeing and glorious. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and when I abuse it I in turn grieve Him. It's not just about overeating, eating junk, it's a spiritual battle for me. Integrity, honor, truth and justice...that's what I'm after. I'm finding it by sharing with others. Today's lunch = minor fail. Believe me I've had failures of more epic proportions. Once again I'm so grateful that I'm not measured by successes and failures. I'm not measured by the scale. I'm not measured by a tape measure. My worth is in JESUS!!!
Jesus made me, fearfully and wonderfully, a woman. PMS isn't a curse. It's a gift. I just have to learn to handle it, take account of it, work with it not against it. Each month is a chance to learn, grow and try it again. For just a brief minute today I laughed out loud and said..."what if I'm pregnant". Oh boy....that's for another post.
Thanks as always for reading my ramblings.
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