So today is a precious day filled with love, gratitude, family, friends, relationship and food. All of these things are wonderful and should bring joy and peace. However, so many years have gone by and at the end of the day I feel thankful, blessed and MISERABLE all at the same time. For years I've overeaten on purpose, all the while knowing that I would feel badly later. I've chosen to eat too many sweets, a second helping of everything (especially broccoli casserole) and just felt bloated, sore and guilty. Instead of being grateful and happy I've been filled with unmet expectation, guilt and sadness about my obesity and love/hate relationship with food.
Today I'm grateful for food. I'm thankful that I know how to eat "clean". I am grateful that I don't have the desire or compulsion to overeat today. All of those sweets, carbs and tempting treats hold no appeal for me today and I am so thankful. I am down 39.6 pounds and am proud of that accomplishment. Food is fuel. End of story. It isn't my comfort. It isn't my friend. It isn't a companion any longer. Daily I work on eating less and eating more slowly. Choices face me everyday as to what to eat, how to prepare food, etc. and I am so aware of God's guiding hand.
This year I'm filled with knowledge, empowerment, and hope. I am changing and it's hard. I am thankful for sweat, running suicides, lifting weights, bosus...my list could go on and on and on honestly. Maybe I'll take some time to blog another entry of gratitude. However, today I really wanted to capture how I was feeling about food and it's pull on me. TODAY I don't feel it. I pray that tomorrow and the next day and the next I feel the same.
Wherever you are, whatever you eat, whomever you celebrate with...BE FREE. Enjoy yourself. Taste everything, but don't EAT it all. Make wise choices and Happy Thanksgiving.
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