The Fine Line of Grace

Yes....I should extend myself grace.  I realize this is a weight loss journey.  However, I can't extend grace to myself when I overeat in a premeditated setting.  Nathan and I had a date on Monday night and AS we were walking into the restaurant I remember thinking "ask them NOT to bring chips and salsa".  However, when the chips came I ate my weight in guacamole.  I also didn't mind ordering dinner after I gorged myself.  Yes, the conversation was nice.  I enjoyed my husband's uninterrupted time IMMENSELY, BUT I didn't make wise choices and I could have.  I should have ordered a salad.  I could have.... You get the drift.

Yes, sometimes there are unavoidable bobbles when it comes to eating/overeating.  However, I could have avoided the pineapple casserole at last nights dinner.  I could have made a different choice at Avocado's on Monday night.  I don't have to buy sweets at the grocery store.  I CAN decide to eat healthy, "real" foods.

Grace...yes there is grace.  Today IS a new day.   Each meal holds its own choices.  However, I HAVE to keep it real.  I have to grow from my mistakes and I have to keep on keeping on in this journey. 

Thanks for letting me rant.  Today I WILL be under my calorie goal.  Today I WILL move my body.  Today I will plan my meals and feel good about them.  Today I WILL drink enough water.  Today I will remember that I've lost 100+ pounds BUT I have more to lose and that can't happen if I keep ignoring the small things. 

Have a good day and yes I'm thankful for God's grace that even allowed me a four hundred and seventy second chance (ok...maybe I exaggerated a bit) to lose weight. 

Happy Thanksgiving

So today is a precious day filled with love, gratitude, family, friends, relationship and food.  All of these things are wonderful and should bring joy and peace.  However, so many years have gone by and at the end of the day I feel thankful, blessed and MISERABLE all at the same time.  For years I've overeaten on purpose, all the while knowing that I would feel badly later.  I've chosen to eat too many sweets, a second helping of everything (especially broccoli casserole) and just felt bloated, sore and guilty.  Instead of being grateful and happy I've been filled with unmet expectation, guilt and sadness about my obesity and love/hate relationship with food.

Today I'm grateful for food.  I'm thankful that I know how to eat "clean".  I am grateful that I don't have the desire or compulsion to overeat today.  All of those sweets, carbs and tempting treats hold no appeal for me today and I am so thankful.  I am down 39.6 pounds and am proud of that accomplishment.  Food is fuel.  End of story.  It isn't my comfort.  It isn't my friend.  It isn't a companion any longer.  Daily I work on eating less and eating more slowly.  Choices face me everyday as to what to eat, how to prepare food, etc. and I am so aware of God's guiding hand. 

This year I'm filled with knowledge, empowerment, and hope.  I am changing and it's hard.  I am thankful for sweat, running suicides, lifting weights, bosus...my list could go on and on and on honestly.  Maybe I'll take some time to blog another entry of gratitude.  However, today I really wanted to capture how I was feeling about food and it's pull on me.  TODAY I don't feel it.  I pray that tomorrow and the next day and the next I feel the same. 

Wherever you are, whatever you eat, whomever you celebrate with...BE FREE.  Enjoy yourself.  Taste everything, but don't EAT it all.  Make wise choices and Happy Thanksgiving.