Get Your Head in the Game

So I've got to get my head back in the game.  Being on autopilot too long is placing me dangerously at the brink of becoming sloppy, apathetic and unfocused.  The last month, although mostly productive in both weight loss and fitness goals, has been "off". 

Confession time...I must admit that I have allowed certain thing to slip back into my life that have somewhat sabotaged me and my progress.  Nathan makes EXCELLENT bread and I have allowed myself to have the occasional slice.  Then it was a slice with butter.  Then it was a slice with butter AND jelly.  Also I've made some "comfort" foods for Nathan and the kids that I've indulged in (i.e. lasagna, zucchini pie, things that are cheesy, bready and full of "casserolish goodness").  Oh, I can't forget the peanut butter pie, key lime pie and ice cream I've had this last month.  Sheesh....it's a miracle I crossed below 200 pounds.   

Social eating, mindless eating, snacking, skipping meals, overeating, making bad choices, these are all things I've done in the last month.  It's time to STOP!  Now is the time to take control again, get my head straightened out, figure out why I've been coping/acting this way.

Grateful that I can isolate things, see patterns and become present enough in the moment, in my life to make necessary changes.  I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I used to be, either.  I have a goal to be at my 100 pounds lost by 10/31/2012.  That's 100 pounds in 2 years.  Then I am going to strive to lose the LAST 50 in another year.  So...by 38 1/2 years old I'll be my goal weight.  I think that's attainable. 

A Little of This and a Little of That

That seems to be what I'm eating lately.  I can't keep my face out of food.  At dinner last night I overate.  Yesterday's lunch was less than "clean".  Three EXTREMELY stressful days and unfortunately I have reverted back to old coping skills.  Monday and Tuesday weren't as bad as yesterday.  I also did not do any exercise on Sunday, Monday or Wednesday. 

My dear friend Leslie even warned me about "post race" patterns that I have developed.  This go around though hasn't been nearly as unsettling or counterproductive as the previous two times.  The emotional stability in our home is volatile at best.  Our oldest son Joseph is going through a rough time right now and we are all on edge.  Even though I haven't really undone progress I've made the troubling part is I haven't been proactive in making good decisions or even trying to exercise.  When fear and stress enter into the picture I find myself becoming increasingly apathetic when it comes to clean eating/exercise.  This is troubling to me because those two things, clean eating and exercise, should be weapons to fight off stress and pain.  So...yeah that I didn't binge/pig out/make stupid decisions.  Boo....to the fact that I didn't fight hard enough. 

Note to self....a reminder of sorts-when eating out, go ahead and get that "to go" box at the start of your meal and make half of it go bye-bye immediately!  Another note to self....when you have already made a choice in your brain that helps you avoid a "bad" eating situation...FOLLOW THROUGH AT ALL COSTS!!!

Have a good day.  Thanks for reading.