Get Your Head in the Game

So I've got to get my head back in the game.  Being on autopilot too long is placing me dangerously at the brink of becoming sloppy, apathetic and unfocused.  The last month, although mostly productive in both weight loss and fitness goals, has been "off". 

Confession time...I must admit that I have allowed certain thing to slip back into my life that have somewhat sabotaged me and my progress.  Nathan makes EXCELLENT bread and I have allowed myself to have the occasional slice.  Then it was a slice with butter.  Then it was a slice with butter AND jelly.  Also I've made some "comfort" foods for Nathan and the kids that I've indulged in (i.e. lasagna, zucchini pie, things that are cheesy, bready and full of "casserolish goodness").  Oh, I can't forget the peanut butter pie, key lime pie and ice cream I've had this last month.  Sheesh....it's a miracle I crossed below 200 pounds.   

Social eating, mindless eating, snacking, skipping meals, overeating, making bad choices, these are all things I've done in the last month.  It's time to STOP!  Now is the time to take control again, get my head straightened out, figure out why I've been coping/acting this way.

Grateful that I can isolate things, see patterns and become present enough in the moment, in my life to make necessary changes.  I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I used to be, either.  I have a goal to be at my 100 pounds lost by 10/31/2012.  That's 100 pounds in 2 years.  Then I am going to strive to lose the LAST 50 in another year.  So...by 38 1/2 years old I'll be my goal weight.  I think that's attainable. 

Admission/Confession

So true to my life of integrity I must admit that yesterday didn't go as planned.  I started well.  Grapes for breakfast.  Grapes for snack and then it hit me again..."Why did you start a cleanse on a holiday?".  Nathan suggested that I postpone the cleanse a day if I could do it without guilt.  Assuring him that I could do that I ate lunch.  I found it extremely ironic that I was on the Maker's Diet cleanse and experiencing guilt and condemnation (completely opposite from Rom. 8:1) I ate lunch.  Well let me continue the honesty...I OVERATE lunch.  I hadn't set myself up very well for this experience.  Tuesday I wasn't feeling stellar in the tummy department so I all but fasted.  A light lunch, smoothie for snack and a piece of banana bread for dinner.  Needless to say I was ravenous by Wednesday lunchtime.  Bad combo, deprived + hungry + PMS = epic fail.

After lunch I took a nap and had a wonderful conversation with Nathan.  He helped me to realize it's just food.  Desperately wanting to not be controlled by food either positively OR negatively I keep pressing on in this journey.  The evening finished on a highlight.  We had dinner with friends in which I ate lots of yummy fruit and felt better about participating.  Fireworks, friends and freedom capped off our festivities and TODAY I started my cleanse.

Breakfast, snack, lunch...CHECK!  I've enjoyed my grapes and had plenty of water.  This is doable!  Oh and did I mention that Nathan decided to do this cleanse with me to encourage me and to help me succeed?!!!

I'll keep you posted as to my progress.  Thanks for letting me be REAL!