It's GOOD to NOT be Noticed

When you are morbidly obese people notice.  They stare.  They laugh.  They look away, hoping you didn't seem them gawking at you.  How could people NOT notice when you can't fit into booths, amusement park rides or movie theater seats?  Ironically I thought that when I was fat(ter) I was hiding.  Let me tell you that my cushion of flab certainly hasn't protected me from hurt and sadness.  In fact it's multiplied my pain and sorrow.

Well lately the opposite is happening and I'm absolutely THRILLED.  I have people look at me in the eye, smile in acknowledgement, walk past me and THEN realize...it's me.  They come back to speak and inevitably say something like "I didn't even recognize you".  I've had other people say "I didn't know it was you until I heard you speak.".  People have been very supportive in this journey and quick to complement, encourage and praise me.  I am learning to say thank you and quickly turn back all of the praise to where it's due.  Sure, I've worked my butt off, literally.  Yet, there are other factors, people, things that have helped.  I give credit to God for helping me by sustaining me and loving me gently as He breaks my will and I turn it over to Him bit by bit.  Leslie is ALWAYS mentioned.  I jokingly say "If people stand still long enough I'm gonna tell them about Jesus and Leslie.".  My family gets mentioned.  I want others to know I haven't walked this road alone.  Also I let people know I'm still walking this journey.  Realistically I have 50-60 more pounds I would like to lose.

This morning the scales said 201.5.  I'm on day seven of my cleanse and overall I would say it's been successful.  Cravings have been broken.  I have been reminded of what my body really NEEDS and how much less food I eat these days.  I need to get back to some sort of regular walking/running schedule.  I'm so close to my first goal I can TASTE it.

Thanks for reading.  Please leave me some love and have a nice day.   

What Other People See

So today I went into Lane Bryant to just browse and maybe try on a dress or two.  My friend Joy was with me.  As I was greeted by the clerk at the front door she said "Have you lost weight?".  I don't even know her name, and I don't consider myself to be a frequent shopper at this store.  However, I was THRILLED that she noticed. 

This is happening more and more frequently these days.  I'm humbled, thrilled, overjoyed and concerned all at the same time.  With so much farther to go I have doubts such as "Will I be able to make it?".    Thoughts often cross my mind as to what will people say as I keep on keeping on this journey.  I pray that helpful encouragement will greet me and not naysayers.  I really would like to lose 50-70 more.  Sheesh...that's another year to year and a half away.  I am having doubts, and so days like today when someone notices are important. 

Each encounter, each opportunity to answer "How much weight have you lost?  How did you do this?"  is unique.  Sometimes I feel completely free to share my journey.  Included in my details are diet, exercise and if appropriate the spiritual aspect of my journey.  Other times it's just a simple response "Diet and exercise".  I have heard countless tells of people who have lost weight, had gastric bypass or lap band surgery.  I've heard all the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's".  People feel free to give me tips, advice and help.  There have been some humorous questions such as "Do you really run?"  or "Do you like to sweat?".  Statements such as "It must be hard to exercise while being so fat." or "How do you do it?"  Truly I really enjoy hearing it all.  Losing weight has given me opportunity to share by speaking AND listening and I'm grateful. 

There was a purchase made today at Lane Bryant.  One I'm thinking of wearing at my 100 pound party...that is IF it fits me then ;-).  Maybe I'll have a chance to say to the clerk in my NEW store, what a blessing it is to get to shop there.  Soon it will be "Bye Bye" Lane Bryant and although your clerks have been kind and your clothes have covered up a multitude of cellulite with contemporary fashion, I won't be sad to part ways. 

Peace out...I'm signing off to try my new recipe-Sugar Snap Pea and Parmesean Risotto.  It will be made with fresh snap peas from our weekly CSA box.