Throwing it Out There

So blogs are about being transparent/honest, right???  Well at least mine is....I think (hehehehe). 

I HATE being the fattest woman in ZumbaPump class.  I felt like a beginner ALL over again.  I am sore, tired and grumpy.  There were new routines, and I couldn't get my feet to move properly.  My quads were killing me and I kept having to stop on the Pump part.  I hate having my boobs bounce everywhere.  I hate hearing my own thighs slap together.  Or maybe that was the sound of my big fat belly hitting my thighs?  Anyway....it wasn't a pretty sound.

I'm not going to quit.  I'm not going anywhere.  I'm not going to gain my weight back.  I'm just being honest.  I'm venting.  It's my blog...hey get over it :-).  Tonight I felt a tad bit hopeless.  My eating was less than stellar.  My attitude far from energetic and my mindset not focused on the big picture.  Tonight I saw me...short, round, brown and plain.  Those are the four adjectives I used to describe myself for MANY years.  Although I guess now it's short, round, grey and plain...hahahaha.

One year into this thing and tonight you would have NEVER known it.  I looked uncoordinated, felt unbalanced and peed on myself at least once during class.  Going from FAT to fit tonight seems impossible.  Seeing my first digit change, seems like an impossibility as of this moment. 

BUT YET...I will go tomorrow to train with Leslie.  I will return to ZumbaPump class on Wed. night, and I will eat clean and healthy tomorrow.  I will keep pressing on, because I know it works.  I will keep trying because I AM different than I was a year ago.  I KNOW all of these things, but right now I don't FEEL them.  A year ago I would have gone with my feelings.  I would have stopped.  I wouldn't have recognized my faulty thinking.  I would have quit.  I'm grateful that even though tonight I feel like a failure, I realize that I'm NOT.  I'm grateful that at least I can move (not like those Hispanic women...but I can move).  I'm grateful to live in America, and to have enough health and financial ability to even take a class.  I could keep listing and listing the things I'm grateful for tonight.  Maybe I'll stop ranting now....

Still on this journey,

Janelle