The Fine Line of Grace

Yes....I should extend myself grace.  I realize this is a weight loss journey.  However, I can't extend grace to myself when I overeat in a premeditated setting.  Nathan and I had a date on Monday night and AS we were walking into the restaurant I remember thinking "ask them NOT to bring chips and salsa".  However, when the chips came I ate my weight in guacamole.  I also didn't mind ordering dinner after I gorged myself.  Yes, the conversation was nice.  I enjoyed my husband's uninterrupted time IMMENSELY, BUT I didn't make wise choices and I could have.  I should have ordered a salad.  I could have.... You get the drift.

Yes, sometimes there are unavoidable bobbles when it comes to eating/overeating.  However, I could have avoided the pineapple casserole at last nights dinner.  I could have made a different choice at Avocado's on Monday night.  I don't have to buy sweets at the grocery store.  I CAN decide to eat healthy, "real" foods.

Grace...yes there is grace.  Today IS a new day.   Each meal holds its own choices.  However, I HAVE to keep it real.  I have to grow from my mistakes and I have to keep on keeping on in this journey. 

Thanks for letting me rant.  Today I WILL be under my calorie goal.  Today I WILL move my body.  Today I will plan my meals and feel good about them.  Today I WILL drink enough water.  Today I will remember that I've lost 100+ pounds BUT I have more to lose and that can't happen if I keep ignoring the small things. 

Have a good day and yes I'm thankful for God's grace that even allowed me a four hundred and seventy second chance (ok...maybe I exaggerated a bit) to lose weight. 

A "Fork" in the Road

Isn't it ironic that a fat person would have to choose a path, a FORK in the road???  I've blogged recently about my issues with overeating, making bad choices, feeling out of control.  I've also blogged about my recent breakthrough and my very first 5K.  Two roads, two choices, two paths.  So different, both with results, consequences, rewards and disappointments.

Both of these paths have called to me.  I've found myself making choices based upon emotions, feelings, other people's opinions, my own fears and agendas.  Sometimes I take the right path, sometimes I've wandered into the land of breakdown and felt so lost, alone and hopeless.  I feel as if I am this point again in my life.  I'm stading on the road wanting to make it to the finish line yet faced with a choice of which direction to take.  I've taken shortcuts too often in my life.  I've looked for ways that might be pretty, easy, make me feel warm and fuzzy while I travel.  The road to DENIAL though is far different from the road to VICTORY. 

Matthew 7:13-14 says "Enter through the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it.  How narrow is the gate and difficult the road that leads to life, and few find it."  Once again I'm not trying to lose weight so I can fit through a "narrow" gate...hehehehe.  I'm trying to find LIFE and find it abundantly.  I want to choose the path that brings honor to God and life to me and my family.  The Message paraphrase puts that passage like this "Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention."  That last part "is vigorous and requires total attention" is what really grabs me.  Am I giving my total attention to life or am I just standing at the fork in the road waiting for someone else to choose for me?  Planning, working, making progress, these things all take intention and patience, ambition, tenacity, wisdom.  

Right now my heart is heavy and my mind filled with thoughts, dreams and desires.  I feel almost sick with a sense of urgency.  I HAVE to keep on keepin' on.  I must keep going.  I simply have to finish this.  I might have gotten stalled, but I'm not stopping!!!

So I'm headed down the narrow path, through the narrow gate, toward BREAKTHROUGH.  Victory is calling me and although it's still far off, I can hear the crowd of witnesses calling to me.  I can hear those who have prayed for me, cheered me on, walked this journey ahead of me calling me to keep coming.  I am gonna keep putting one foot in front of the other, pick myself up, keep working, keep crying, keep sweating, keep trying, keep crying, keep believing, keep praying, keep learning, keep changing, keep dreaming, keep asking for revelation, keep moving.  I'm choosing THIS day to walk towards BREAKTHROUGH!!!

I've chosen my path.  The fork in the road seemed daunting, but I'm laying down my pride, fear and doubt and I'm choosing HEALTH, wholeness, peace and joy.  Wanna come with me??? 

A new path...a better way

So I've come once again to a fork in the road of wellness.  Today's weight is 246.  That's a total loss of 39.6 pounds. 

I am having a consultation with Dr. Eric Lewis on Monday.  He is a natural health doctor.  This is something different for me, but I am quite excited.  I'm not sure if I will be able to afford the process or how it is all going to work out, but I won't know unless I go, huh???!!!  I am open to supplementation, I'm open to clean eating, I'm open to finding out the BEST way to heal my body and to make it completely healthy.  I also am looking at a product called Essentials by Akea and I've been approached about the Body by Vi challenge.  I have already visited Healthy Traditions and had a session with Kathy Stickler.  It feels good to be teachable.  I am reading anything I can get my hands on about health.  I am going to buy a new book this weekend "Eat Right for Your Blood Type". 

I am loving this journey I'm on and don't ever plan on going back to the "old" me.  I am moving better, I am eating better, I am feeling better than I ever have.  I am taking the high road, the road less traveled.  I'm walking AWAY from the "American Dream" and towards freedom, health and wholeness.  I'm walking in my purpose and calling and discovering the abundant life and it feels GREAT.