Balancing Act

So I'm learning more and more throughout this journey called life about balance.  To me living a life of balance means taking all things into consideration and prayerfully making conscious choice.  True balance is the abililty to live in the moment.  Being flexible and available are character qualities of someone who lives within his/her center of balance. 

I have spent most of my adult life in a state of agitation.  Chaos has been a norm for me.  The past and the future are the two places my heart, soul and mind have often resided.  Well for the past few years I have made a steady, strong effort to be intentional in my living.  Being present is powerful. 

I have a normal Saturday routine.  I like it.  It works for me.  My family has adjusted.  Life flows and goes around my plans.  Well last night I had this feeling of unrest.  Thoughts were swirling around in my head as to what I should do/what choices I should really make.  You see, I had several things I wanted to do today.  There were several things I could have done today.  Probably there were several things I should have done today.  As my head hit the pillow, there was still a debate in my heart and mind as to what my priorities would be for Saturday. 

Well I was allowed by my children to sleep later than usual.  8:15 a.m. is what the clock said when I rolled out of bed to go retrieve a screaming two year old.  My open gym time starts at 9 a.m.  I knew I wasn't going to make that start time.  As the morning unfolded it was apparent that I wasn't going to make my workout.  This was both troubling and freeing to me.  Someone had already offered to take four of the kids for a few hours so that Nathan and I could have some time with our eldest son, Joseph.  However, my father and brother Tyler, decided to join the Barkers and so Joseph decided he wanted to tag along.  After helping to get everyone situated and saying goodbye to the two car fulls of folks I enjoyed an unhurried shower.  Nathan and I went to the tailgate market to pick up our CSA (community supported agriculture) veggies and we had sushi for lunch at Green Tea in Asheville.  There was also a stop by Sisters McMullen in downtown for a cupcake.  We since have watched a movie (only mostly interupted by our returning children) and plan on watching a documentary tonight after the kids are in bed.  My house is a wreck.  I didn't do any exercise today.  To-do lists are highly overrated and mine was completely ignored today.  All in all it's been an incredible day.  There has been no shame, no guilt, no condemnation for not running ALL week, not exercising today and even eating an entire fattening cupcake myself.  I rested, I made choices intentionally and I was available, completely available for Nathan.  I feel as if today I understood balance. 

No this doesn't mean cupcakes and no running tomorrow.  It just means that for TODAY I was able to make these choices and know that my life is still moving forward.  By standing still and resting I was able to make progress.  Pretty neat.  This has been a tough week (maybe I'll blog about that sometime) and I have been struggling for sanity/serenity.  Well I really feel as if I was balanced today and brought honor to God by enjoying Him and myself and my surroundings.  I accepted help.  I released myself of expectation and I allowed change to shape my day not ruin it. 

Peace.  Balance.  Freedom.  Serenity.  Today this was me! 

The Season of Lent

No this isn't a post about giving up chocolate...hehehehe

We ARE going to observe Lent as a family this year.  We have not worshipped in a liturgical church for several years (since 2005).  During these next forty days the Flint family is going to practice and observe simplicity, Sabbath, resting, meditation, togetherness.  By giving up things that distract us (the good for the best) it is my prayer that we would encounter Jesus and understand the fullness of His Salvation for us.  Nathan is going to be leading us in morning and evening devotions, prayer and Scripture reading.  The kids will be reading also and we will be writing Scripture daily.  I will try and update via blog as to what we are experiencing as a family.

I have a few books on my reading list for this time period.  I have set some goals and am THRILLED about this journey.  Lent doesn't have to be sad...just solemn.  Solemn isn't bad.  Most of my life I've been too hyper, too stimulated, too overwhelmed.  This time of reflection, meditation, journaling is not only going to benefit me and my family spiritually I pray that I can see a breakthrough physically.  I have a goal of being below 200 pounds for the first time in 12 years.  I want to see 199 by May 20th.  That's 88 days from today.  On May 20th I hope to run in the Biltmore Kiwani's 5K on the Biltmore Estate.  I hope to have a group of friends with me (this time running beside/with me). 

This journey of weight loss has definitely been a spiritual one for me.  I have realized that I have spent years of my life sinning against myself and destroying my body.  I've hurt those I've loved and I've grieved the very heart of God.  Years I've experienced shame, guilt, sorrow, fear and mistrust all surrounding food and relationships.  It's all connected for me and I'm so excited to see and experience even more revelation during this 40 day journey.  As I journey to the cross I pray that spiritually and figuratively that there would be LESS of me and MORE of HIM!!!

Blessings to you all,

Janelle

A "Fork" in the Road

Isn't it ironic that a fat person would have to choose a path, a FORK in the road???  I've blogged recently about my issues with overeating, making bad choices, feeling out of control.  I've also blogged about my recent breakthrough and my very first 5K.  Two roads, two choices, two paths.  So different, both with results, consequences, rewards and disappointments.

Both of these paths have called to me.  I've found myself making choices based upon emotions, feelings, other people's opinions, my own fears and agendas.  Sometimes I take the right path, sometimes I've wandered into the land of breakdown and felt so lost, alone and hopeless.  I feel as if I am this point again in my life.  I'm stading on the road wanting to make it to the finish line yet faced with a choice of which direction to take.  I've taken shortcuts too often in my life.  I've looked for ways that might be pretty, easy, make me feel warm and fuzzy while I travel.  The road to DENIAL though is far different from the road to VICTORY. 

Matthew 7:13-14 says "Enter through the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it.  How narrow is the gate and difficult the road that leads to life, and few find it."  Once again I'm not trying to lose weight so I can fit through a "narrow" gate...hehehehe.  I'm trying to find LIFE and find it abundantly.  I want to choose the path that brings honor to God and life to me and my family.  The Message paraphrase puts that passage like this "Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention."  That last part "is vigorous and requires total attention" is what really grabs me.  Am I giving my total attention to life or am I just standing at the fork in the road waiting for someone else to choose for me?  Planning, working, making progress, these things all take intention and patience, ambition, tenacity, wisdom.  

Right now my heart is heavy and my mind filled with thoughts, dreams and desires.  I feel almost sick with a sense of urgency.  I HAVE to keep on keepin' on.  I must keep going.  I simply have to finish this.  I might have gotten stalled, but I'm not stopping!!!

So I'm headed down the narrow path, through the narrow gate, toward BREAKTHROUGH.  Victory is calling me and although it's still far off, I can hear the crowd of witnesses calling to me.  I can hear those who have prayed for me, cheered me on, walked this journey ahead of me calling me to keep coming.  I am gonna keep putting one foot in front of the other, pick myself up, keep working, keep crying, keep sweating, keep trying, keep crying, keep believing, keep praying, keep learning, keep changing, keep dreaming, keep asking for revelation, keep moving.  I'm choosing THIS day to walk towards BREAKTHROUGH!!!

I've chosen my path.  The fork in the road seemed daunting, but I'm laying down my pride, fear and doubt and I'm choosing HEALTH, wholeness, peace and joy.  Wanna come with me???