PMS=TMI

For the most part I have my overeating/compulsive eating under control.  I no longer have ANY desire to eat too much, or to push myself to the point of "no return".  Feeling bloated, uncomfortable and gross just isn't for me anymore.  There isn't any food that tastes good enough to endure that kind of feeling.

YET.....there are a few days each month when all common sense and true knowledge/growth seem to escape me.  I'm writing because I'm in those dreaded days known as PMS.  As a matter of fact I'm five days late, and I'm miserable.  Mentally, physically, emotionally I'm struggling.  I ate a salad for lunch BUT it had too much chicken.  Chicken I might add from Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Yes I took the skin off the chicken, but still...sheesh that stuff is nasty, greasy.  I ate too quickly, I ate too much.  I even tasted some of the skin.  GROSS!!! 

Why do I feel so out of control?  By keeping good track of my cycle I am aware of when I'm to start.  That's why I'm wondering why I still do STUPID things like allowing myself to get too hungry, thus the overeating.  I also will eat "just a bit of this" or a "bit of that" to try and "satisfy" me and it always creates an urge, a longing for more.  Is this beast ever going to die??? When will there be a day when food has no more power over me?  It's just food for crying out loud.  It's like a fire.  I just need to STOP, DROP and ROLL.  If I could just take a moment, a deep breath, walk away and realize what I'm about to do.  I'm so close to my first goal and yet it feels like I'm a million miles away on days like today when I make such foolish choices.  These foolish, rash choices undo hard work that's been done.  It's a cycle of insanity and I'm ready to get off the hamster wheel. 

Picking myself up, putting on the armor of God, realizing all of the progress I HAVE made, I'm gonna keep on keeping on and fight this good fight.  It IS a good fight.  Being humbled in the last year and a half of my life has been the best experience.  Coming into the majesty that I was created IN and created FOR has been powerfully freeing and glorious.  My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and when I abuse it I in turn grieve Him.  It's not just about overeating, eating junk, it's a spiritual battle for me.  Integrity, honor, truth and justice...that's what I'm after.  I'm finding it by sharing with others.  Today's lunch = minor fail.  Believe me I've had failures of more epic proportions.  Once again I'm so grateful that I'm not measured by successes and failures.  I'm not measured by the scale.  I'm not measured by a tape measure.  My worth is in JESUS!!! 

Jesus made me, fearfully and wonderfully, a woman.  PMS isn't a curse.  It's a gift.  I just have to learn to handle it, take account of it, work with it not against it.  Each month is a chance to learn, grow and try it again.  For just a brief minute today I laughed out loud and said..."what if I'm pregnant".  Oh boy....that's for another post. 

Thanks as always for reading my ramblings. 

Get Back Up Again....

We lose our way, we get back up again....

So I've been struggling lately with consistency, motivation and the dreaded up's and down's.  I know that my body will fluctuate weight wise.  I know that in some expert opinions even two pounds in a day is acceptable +/-.  I just seem to be hitting plateaus a little more regularly and I'm fighting discouragement.  Why can't I just keep plowing forward?  Today I found myself eating mindlessly and much more than I would have like to honestly.  What is that about?  Why do I still seem so bound sometimes by boredom, needless want to eat.  Some days it doesn't get me, but some days just because "it's" there is a good enough reason to eat.  Sweets don't tempt me, it's the REAL deal, the real food.  Salty, cheesy, creamy are more my speed :-). 

I am gonna get back up again though.  When I fall I'm not gonna stay down, and I am certainly not going to get trampled on by the pack of people who are still progressing towards health and wholeness.  Each new moment is an opportunity to choose wisely, act lovingly, think clearly, honor completely.  Each new day brings a chance for growth and change.  Each new meal can be successful. 

Keep trying, keep laughing, keep believing, keep growing, keep changing, keep praying, keep running, keep speaking the TRUTH over my life, keep on keeping on....

How Do You Measure Success???

So I haven't taken my measurements since September 2011.  I should have taken them when I started my journey in Oct. 2010.  Honestly though I didn't have a tape measure that even fit around me.  I was too embarassed to ask Nathan or anyone for help.  Today though I asked Nathan to help me with my new pink $.98 tape measure from the grocery store.  Guess what????  I've lost 41.75 inches since Sept. 2011.  Isn't that AMAZING???  I've lost 14 inches from my waist alone.  I can't even begin to tell you how encouraged I was after adding up all of those numbers and realizing that YES I'm smaller.  I mean I knew my clothes sizes had changed but wowzers. 

I know that the numbers really aren't where it's at.  I am aware that I should be pleased with ANY progress and not hung up on weight/measurements.  However, I am an insecure person.  I must admit that I was pleased to see the difference.  I know that success can be measured by my attitude, feelings, mindset, vocabulary, etc.  So maybe I should focus on a few of those too???

Here are some other ways I've been successful.  When I shop I look at labels rather than price tags.  Don't get me wrong, I HATE that eating healthier is more expensive, BUT I keep buying free-range, organic, NO high fructose corn syrup.  You get my drift.  Feeding seven of us on a budget is hard, but I'm learning and growing everytime I go to the store.  It's becoming a little less daunting each time. Another measurement of success is the fact that I don't mind trying on clothes.  In fact, I actually enjoy shopping now.  How about that I use different words when I talk about food, exercise.  My body AND my mind are changing.  I actually crave movement.  I want to eat vegetables and I NEED more sleep.  My expectations are changing and my view of reality is MUCH more truthful.  I am forever grateful for these changes.

So I'm thinner, healthier and happier.  There is more strength, grace, and beauty in my days and I feel hope for the first time in over a decade.  Life is GOOD and that's the best measurement of all.